Im not afraid of heights, im afraid of falling. im not afraid of the dark, im afraid of what lurks in it. Ask me one more time if i ever loved you. And No, im not afraid of getting lost Im afraid of losing You. But if keeping you means falling into a dark pit where the unknown lurks then drag me there Cause that’s where i wanna be. Im not afraid of my mind, im afraid of my heart and its constant hunger for things that are not You. Help me, only you know me better then I, and lately im not sure which way is right, I might be walking in the wrong direction and not even know it. I’ve been trying to find my way back to You, but all my attempts have failed.

I’ve burnt all the bridges and every map with a path back to you. If I could forget you, I would. But your still in the indents of my brain and just when I think my hearts been cleansed of your touch somehow your hands are on me again, in my darkest nightmare there they are. I ran as fast as I could I felt like the gingerbread man, I can’t remember, though, do they catch him at the end? Remember you used to be my every desire and now the thought of you makes my stomach twist into knots. You used to be everything I knew but now I know better so my choice is better. If what they say is true im doomed, but even if its the death of me ill never believe that darkness has the power to over take light. Even if darkness were to knock at my door and give me its name I’d still always believe in the way the truth set me free I refuse to believe that lies And broken promises can mend.

And when you forget all the reasons why your here, when running back is all your heart can dream of, Remember why you left, Remember that on your way out you burnt all memory of your way back.

Its sad really the way you twist my words into threats, my kindness into violence, My faith into myth. Sad the way you turn hate into love and love into hate, you call a weakness, strength and freedom, slavery. They said the truth hurts, not really it sets you free yet, somehow, you choose to call it prison. You take innocence and burn it like incense. You hang onto your envy and anger as if it were the very fuel that brings life to life itself. Your pride is your prized possession, you wear it with all its glamour, always on point. Yet the muffled cries of your soul never seem to seize. And your thirst for something different never seems to be quenched. And still you refuse to see that your pride, blinds and binds you.

I used to wish on shooting stars. My heart took comfort in things that had no home, a wanderer from day one, it’d take off on any tide on any passing wind. I was a lost soul, With nowhere to rest my head, No room to find some refuge in. My heart, a wandering black hole. I was never in the same place twice always looking for, longing for something different. Something new. Even something old and used. It scares me the way it takes with no remorse until your left with nothing more to give and then it asks for more, the way it doesnt know its fill. And stilll none of it ever really made sense to me. Now we sit and wait, stuck at a stalemate, all you want is the one thing, the ruin to all these ruins. If this was life or death you woulda already walked away. You’ve always told me, if it ever comes down to a life or death situation walk away cause if he didn’t choose
You when you were at his side then he never loved you at all.

Dont tell me, You deserve better baby.
Cause i might just deserve the cup that’s been served. Show me what’s better and how i could possibly deserve it. The last time i checked my heart was tainted with a type of wanderlust that not too many understand.

Its funny how you always seem to want what you cant have. How you always realize the value of something once its gone. How fighting for whats yours when its no longer yours, make so much sense to you.

Your just too easy to read. You smoke to ease the stress. You drink to forget the pain. You spend your life trying to runaway from monsters that live inside you. You never seem to realize theres no running from you. You say you smile cause its better then talking but your an open book instead.

Tell me whats best for me and let me decide.

onlymostlyjustdifferent:

Why would you do that, why would you take me to a closet filled with skeletons. I was supposed to be your future, but you put me with your skeletons, so thats what i became.

onlymostlyjustdifferent:

It’s amazing really, how much damage I’ve found. I didn’t know I had so much that could be broken. Every corner I turn, I see shattered glass; its like, a never ending mess, the more I look the more I find. And its all mine, my mistakes scattered in every room, all over the floor.

And all I want…

onlymostlyjustdifferent:

But her favorite part is when the waves roll back, the way the water shimmers on the beach as it slowly moves its way back into the ocean.

onlymostlyjustdifferent:

I still look up at the sky on days and wonder whether those trails left by planes are really just vapor. Conspiracy theories are intriguing cause humankind is really that evil. Maybe thats why I still can’t believe that God really sent you. I keep looking for a dent in the making. I still search…

I probably broke some promises on my way out. I keep looking back. Repeating each conversation in my head. Im not one to make promises. But in the middle of all my emotions I tend to lose control. Im sure you saw the signs that said road work ahead. It was never a secret that I wasnt completely paved, that there were open holes, and unpainted lanes. I warned you, I did. But I should have stopped you instead.